by Laura Weldy | Mar 23, 2017 | Money
What’s your money story?
Wondering wtf I’m talking about? Money is a big deal, ladies. And we don’t talk about it nearly enough! I’m passionate about making the conversation about money not just approachable, but soulful – because there’s so much more to money than figures on a page. I was blown away in a recent conversation with friends when one of the women explained how disempowered and trapped her paycheck made her feel. Yes, it’s great to be able to pay the bills – but when did a paycheck start to feel like a set of handcuffs? I know she isn’t alone in feeling this way!
If the connection between money and life coaching isn’t obvious to you, let me break it down for you: money is a tool that we can use to either create or destroy our lives, opportunities, expectations and happiness. How we use it is up to us – but far too often we don’t take the time to consider money objectively, instead getting caught up in the associated emotions we have inherited from our family, media, or society as a whole.
Today I want to dig into why money and the feelings we associate with it matter (and, spoiler alert: next week I’ll also share a few journalling prompts designed to help you overcome your own blocks around earning and spending money!).
Do you feel excited when you see money deposited into your checking account? Relieved? Stressed? The emotional response we have to the flow of money, conscious or not, is a direct indicator of what type of story we’re telling ourselves. For example, if I feel a sense of relief each time I receive money, it could be because I think earning money needs to be difficult, and that prosperity isn’t guaranteed. My “money story” is that money is not dependable, and consequently something to always be guarded.
It might seem like talking about your money story isn’t as important as actually making money. I’m here to tell you that the two go hand in hand – and that thinking consciously about your emotional beliefs about money isn’t just an exercise for the personal development junkie in your life. It’s an illuminating and necessary practice for anyone who is dedicated to freeing themselves financially, because the story is what dictates how we manage our funds.
Whatever you believe to be true about money, you’ll seek out evidence of in your life. That’s just how we work – we are continually affirming our world views and ideas by finding proof in our surroundings. This isn’t a bad thing, but it does mean that we want to be intentional about the beliefs we foster. By having healthy and positive beliefs about money, we’re inviting more of that healthy and positive money energy into our lives.
Which would you rather see evidence in your daily life: an abundant universe, a plethora of opportunities and joyful earning, or a deficit of money that causes stress, fear, and limitations? I think most of us would agree that the former is most appealing. How do we do that? By intentionally rewriting our money story. By believing first that something better is possible, and allowing that to show up in our lives.
In order to shift our mindset away from negative thoughts about money and it’s role in your life and toward a healthier, happier money story, we need to first understand where you are now. You need to clearly identify your money story and it’s origin. Ask yourself:
- What does money mean to me? In what ways does having or not having money influence my life?
- What opportunities have I denied myself due to money?
- What would be different for me if I was no longer limited by money?
Now that you understand your money context, see if you can summarize your beliefs about money in a few sentences. Remember that this is a work in progress, and that this story will continue to evolve and change. Use this first version of your money story to challenge yourself a bit each day. Journal for 30 minutes once or twice a week on your story, its origin, and (most importantly!) what you want the next chapter to look like.
Start to notice, in the meantime, how your reality is shifting. Notice whether you feel more energized about your income, more grateful when paying your bills, or just more calm and clear headed about your financial planning. Maybe you just FEEL happier or more serene – that’s a beautiful result of coming to terms with the impact of our mindset on your reality!
Writing a new money story is completely possible, once you understand your current context. In next week’s newsletter, I’ll share three of the most common money stories I encounter with my clients, and journalling prompts to help you bust them once and for all.
by Laura Weldy | Feb 13, 2017 | Uncategorized
“For many years, I wandered through the desert in search of a narrative that was not mine. I did not feel I belonged here. I was borrowing a landscape until I found my own. But when I stopped searching and settled into the erosional peace of the redrock desert, I found myself quietly healed by an immensity I could not name. I took off my clothes and lay on my back in a dry arryo and allowed the heat absorbed into the pink sand to enter every cell in my body. I closed my eyes and became simple another breathing presence on the planet. “
Terry Tempest Williams, When Women Were Birds
Do you love yourself? Not just tolerate yourself, co-exist with yourself, or even just have a heightened consciousness of who you are and how you operate in the world? Do you adore the way you act, the being that you are? Do you delight in the ways you show up in the world and the words that spill out of your mouth and the beautiful, detailed thoughts that your brain constructs?
For many of us, self-hate is the default. Self-criticism. Self-judgement, self-censorship. For years, I struggled with this myself. My internal dialogue was a raging battle, a constant back and forth between the crushing weight of the things I thought I should be doing and the unbridled anger at myself for the things I’d felt I’d done incorrectly, or not well enough. There was no peaceful middle ground there; my mind had no space for self-love, for appreciation and gratitude for the millions of things I was doing right, no place for compassion or appreciation for the tiny miracles of the everyday. It was full to the brim with the worry, fear and frustration I was allowing in, and there was simply no way I could fit in the self-love conversation.
That’s why I believe that the first step in practicing self-love is an emptying of the mind. There’s no way to add to an overflowing cup without spilling – you have to first allow some of the noise to drain out of your processing mind before you have any flexibility to start more powerful mindset practices. For me, meditation has been the tool to my self-love success. Meditation allows me to empty my mind momentarily, and practice intentional reflection. Only when the negative self-talk is silenced can I focus on the positive: using that quiet time in the morning to honor myself and my accomplishments, to feel immense pride in who I am and to look lovingly at my self, like I would a dear friend.
It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. What if instead of focusing on your external commitments, celebrations or the champagne and strawberries, you spent some time with yourself? Quiet the mind and create the mental and energetic space for a conversation with yourself about the miracle that you are. Acknowledge your innate gifts, the qualities that you love about yourself, the accomplishments you’re most proud of. Keep the meditation (or journalling, or vision boarding) in the positive, no self-hate allowed. Give yourself the gift of love, rather than focusing only on sharing love with a significant other. You deserve it.
by Laura Weldy | Jan 23, 2017 | Uncategorized
The biggest question looming over 20 somethings these days (and always) seems to be frustratingly unanswerable: what should I do with my life? We look in books, podcasts, to our mentors, our parents, workshops…all in the hopes that what we “should” be doing will jump out at us and make itself known.
I argue that what you “should” do isn’t the question. The more important inquiry to understand is: how do I make my major life decisions?
Do you make choices based on what you think you “should” do, or what you’re excited about doing? Are your choices coming from a place of instilled responsibility, or alignment with your ultimate vision for your life?
In coaching, we often talk about the dreaded “shoulds,” the social conventions we all grew up accepting and believing as truth. The “shoulds” vary across time and cultures, but they generally serve to teach us how to be contributing members of our society. We should go to school, get a job, have a family. We should save up for emergencies, we should be rational, we should focus more on what makes us money than what brings us joy. We should exercise, we should eat well, we should help one another. The “shoulds” can be incredibly valuable, especially when we’re unsure about where to go next. These conventions show us a path, telling us exactly where to place our foot next. Right foot, responsibility. Left foot, hard work.
The problem with the “shoulds” is that far too often we forget that they’re nothing more than a framework. They’re the canvas on which we create our lives, and our personal choices and off path wanderings are the paint. Nothing original has ever been created by following a formula; this also means that nothing original has ever been created in a cocoon of total safety and comfort. Simply put, only following the “shoulds” makes you and your life incredibly boring.
You don’t need to reject every “should” tomorrow, but I encourage you to ask yourself which “shoulds” you’re currently embracing. Are they serving you in living your original, once in a lifetime, unforgettable iteration of your life? Or are you acting as you “should” and walking unconsciously through your days? If that’s the case, I dare you to shed a “should” or two. When you reject constant comfort and embrace a bit of daring, magical things start to happen.
by Laura Weldy | Jan 18, 2017 | Uncategorized
You’ve probably heard that meditation is good for you. You also know that regular exercise, eating right, and quarterly check ups at the doctor are good for you. They don’t always happen.
It feels at times like we’re being inundated with information about how to live healthy, happy lives. It can feel overwhelming. It pours into our inbox, gets pinned on our Pinterest boards and even designed into our Bullet Journals. Why? Because more than ever, we’re asking for the information. We’re all wondering how to be our healthiest, happiest selves.
And we’re going about it the wrong way.
Instead of seeking wisdom, we’re seeking knowledge. They aren’t the same things. There are endless supplies of knowledge in the world. We can be searching, skimming and saving information for the rest of our lives and feel really freaking good about ourselves along the way. But despite how productive it makes us feel, all of that absorption of knowledge means nothing without application of it to our daily lives.
Despite being told over and over again that meditation is good for us, many of us still struggle with actually DOING it. I get it. It’s hard. When I first started meditation, I felt isolated, nervous, even a little scared when it came time to turn off external distractions and just be in silence. And that feeling is exactly why I pursued the practice. If it’s making me nervous, I believe it’s because there’s something for me to learn there – and I was right.
Since making meditation (which is rooted in thousands of years of wisdom, by the way!) a part of my daily practice, I’ve felt a number of things:
*more connected to source energy
*calmer, with fewer waves of anxiety
*frustration at the inability of my mind to slow down
*wild appreciation for the speed at which my mind can and DOES function
*more creative and inspired
*an appreciation for quiet
*and even bored, occasionally.
Sometimes, I’ve felt all of those sensations within the same meditation session. The point is that it has had a profound impact on my mind’s ability to function – and I’m still a beginner. Some days my practice is 3 minutes long, and I’m gritting my teeth the entire time. Other days, I can meditate with ease and enjoy the process for 20 minutes.
So the secret for how to suck at meditation and how to NOT care that you do? Understand that your practice is just that – a practice. Be okay with being a beginner, and remind yourself that nobody else sees or knows your practice. It’s just for you. And even three minutes of frustrated attempt at quieting the mind is good for you. Keep at it. You’ve got this.
Have you tried meditation before? What was your experience?
by Laura Weldy | Sep 25, 2016 | Uncategorized
In the world of life coaching and self help, we often talk about living in alignment. That term “alignment” can seem elusive. It refers not to a place or a specific emotion, but to a grey area of experience. It’s a term for the constantly shifting state of being where your decisions, thoughts and attitudes are all in sync with a greater vision you have for your life. As the vision changes, the rest falls into place. It’s an undulating and responsive place to live, and it’s often hard to remain in complete alignment. Adjustments are required.
The older I get, the more I realize my desire for alignment and the peace it brings. I have to force myself into creative expression, where it came easily to me in childhood. I take note of my thoughts and am often surprised by what I hear. My own actions don’t seem to always be conscious decisions, instead happening as a natural result of whatever wave of emotions and energy I’ve taken on throughout the day.
I have built a support team to keep me on track, as I need it: I have a loving therapist who reminds me of the strength and creative power of the brain. I have a coach who pushes me to recognize fear as a safety net. I have a nutritionist that insists that only beautiful, light things enter my body. I have a pup that reminds me with a single look how far I’ve strayed from kindness or pure love, in the heat of frustration.
My favorite support, though, has been my yoga mat. I don’t practice every day (although I strive to). I also don’t consider myself the “best” in the class-often opting for child’s pose when the pose feels too far out of reach, or for easier modifications. But I go back. I always show up. Again and again. I find a sense of peace and literal mental and physical alignment on my worn mat, forehead pressed to to the floor.
I envision my yoga practice as the act of getting back into alignment; the shuffling of the body and the mental chatter into a streamlined drip, my crown opening up like a funnel. My practice allows the flowing light of the divine to rush down my spine like a mighty river, filling each reservoir and rib along the way. If I can end my practice feeling more aligned with my truest and best self, I consider it a success.
So I’ve made the commitment to deepen my practice. To become more aligned. To strive for my best self more often. To laugh at my mistakes or missteps along the way. In just a few short weeks, I’ll be heading to the mountains. I’m removing myself from the distractions of daily life (Netflix, junk food, naps, bills) to be with myself and my mat. To design a practice that leads to strength and away from fear and guilt. A practice that reminds me that with my forehead pressed to the mat, and my breath warming my face, I am in it. I am receiving and acting in spirit, in sync with the greater vision for my life: chasing peace.
If you’re interested in joining me in a 100 hour yoga retreat in the Great Smoky Mountains this October, send me a note at laura@lauraweldy.com, or check out the program here. If you tell them you heard about the retreat from me, you’ll get a $200 discount!
Namaste.
