Working on building up your self confidence? Download a free checklist of 6 common confidence shakers for millennial women, and tips on  how to overcome them.

We are most of the time, living at truly breakneck speeds. There’s a lot of beauty in modern life – we’re able to see, hear & experience so much that wouldn’t have been possible to generations before us. Of course, modern lifestyles have their challenges too — one of which is that sometimes just being present is a struggle.

Read more about presence here: Meditation for beginners 

When our to do lists are long and our days are packed, it’s easy to fall into autopilot mode as we try to accomplish it all. There’s no shame game here – I totally do this too! When we’re in autopilot mode, we aren’t always processing the impact of our words, attitudes & actions, and that makes it easier for limiting beliefs or confidence shakers to sneak in to our subconscious.  Simply put, you don’t have the time for that bullshit!

You do not have the time or mental energy to be constantly at war with self-doubt and limitations. And, since slowing down our daily life and it’s many demands isn’t always an option, sometimes it’s helpful to just be aware of some of the most common confidence shakers so they can’t take hold in the first place. That’s why I’ve created this checklist of 6 common confidence shakers – so you can completely eliminate them from your life and make space for true self-love and confidence to enter. 

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Common confidence shakers

  • Aimless social media scrolling

Admit it – we all do it! Social media can be an incredible tool for connectivity, but it’s also a serious comparison temptation. Notice how you feel as you are scrolling through your newsfeed: does reading about your friends’ lives bring you joy, or cause you to overthink your own? If it makes you feel inadequate in any way, it’s time for a break. 

  • Gendered filler language

    Have you ever done a language audit on yourself? It can be incredibly illuminating to see the words you’re using. There are lots of op-ed pieces and research articles on the effect of (women especially) using words such as “like” or “um,” and while the experts have varying opinions, one thing seems certain: to some people, using filler language gives the impression that you are nervous, unsure, or unprepared. That DOES NOT mean they’re correct – but why convey that message if you can help it? 

  • Looking for affirmation in the wrong places

This one is self-explanatory: do not ask people who don’t have your best interests at heart to affirm you when you need it. Just don’t.

  • Trying to predict the reactions of others

 You cannot control the responses of other people, just your own. It’s self-help 101, but that’s because it’s true! It’s hard to be confidence when you’re spending too much time worrying about how others will respond, or feeling responsible for that imagined reaction. Focus on how doing something will make you feel. 

  • Avoiding the imaginary story

One of the easiest ways to instill self-doubt and a crippling lack of confidence? Spend active time trying to avoid an imagined outcome. Fear of failure can be paralyzing, and the ironic thing is that our fear of failure often comes back to us playing out tons of imagined stories and challenges in our own mind – thereby avoiding doing anything & succeeding. When you recognize your fear of failure is nothing more than your avoidance of an imagined story, it’s easier to shake. 

  • The over preparation story

Don’t get me wrong – I loved school! I love learning and expanding my horizons. But it’s easy for this mindset to translate into a need for over preparation in adult life. Our confidence can be shaken by the idea that we don’t know enough, haven’t studied enough, or aren’t yet an expert. Forget the urge to stay in preparation mode, and allow yourself to be a student of life instead. 

Already a member of The Support Vault? Click here to login & access your checklist.