Many of my clients don’t realize just how much their career satisfaction or dissatisfaction impacts their partners. I know I didn’t realize this until I became an entrepreneur! Working long hours, not being able to turn off the work thoughts and ideas, pressure to respond immediately to client emails…soon I found that all of these work related tasks were affecting the time I spent with my (now) husband.
Suddenly my career felt less like a source of fulfillment and achievement, and more like an awkward third wheel in my marriage.
If you find that you’re working too late, rescheduling family activities, feeling unappreciated or constantly frustrated even when off the clock…this one’s for you.
Here are three signs that your career might be hurting your love life, and how to address it:
- Your partner is your only sounding board for your daily work challenges. I know it’s tempting to vent to our partners (and if they’re anything like mine, they’re excellent at making us laugh) but this can, over time, create resentment. It feels like a safe option because they don’t interact with our coworkers but they often are also powerless to support us in finding a solution, as they are unfamiliar with the environment and people involved. Should you share when you’ve had a shitty day at work with your partner? 100%! Should you also address challenges that arise with a career and leadership coach that can help you generate solutions? Also yes! Coaching is THE single best way to tackle work challenges because it’s solution oriented and gives you a chance to process through things and arrive at clarity before taking any action. We want you to respond as a leader to challenges, not react from emotions. Click here to book a call and learn more about how I can help you reclaim control of your career and start enjoying time with your partner again!
- You’re seeing less and less of your partner. It’s easy to agree to just one more project, or to feel like spending your weekend working will allow you to finally feel caught up. But that’s a false premise because a) the work never ends and b) you’re paying for your overtime in hours of your personal life. You and your partner deserve to unplug and enjoy the hell out of each other!
- You can’t remember the last time you enjoyed a date. Married, in a relationship, dating, or simply enjoying the single life – regardless of your current relationship status, it’s easy to let work timelines override our calendars. And when you’re trying to decide at 5:30 whether to stay at work or hit a happy hour with your friend, work always seems like the more responsible choice. But remember: the most responsible choice is to never let work dictate your relationships.
So what can you do if they find that the third wheel (your career) is eating into their relationship time? Awareness is always the first step. I recommend doing some journalling about why you’re feeling so caught up in career and what boundaries you’ve let your career cross mentally. I love the work I do with working women because we spend 50+ hours a week thinking about work – and that’s time you should GET to feel good, excited and challenged within. But when it starts to dictate our relationships and our lives, we’re no longer simply work ambitious or work motivated.
Once you’ve identified some of your slipped boundaries, I highly recommend adding some one on one dates to the calendar. For example, my husband and I work different schedules. He works bakers hours and I’m an entrepreneur, so one of us is almost always working or thinking about work. Each Friday morning we make a point of grabbing coffee together at our favorite spot and do our best to connect over non-work related topics. It’s always a beautiful reminder of how much we can make each other laugh and helps us stay connected all week.
P.S. Have you read “Never Not Working” by Malissa Clark? It was last month’s book club selection and it was SO. GOOD. One of my favorite takeaways was that workaholics aren’t just people putting in hours behind the screens. Instead, ruminating about work puts you in the workaholic category. Umm…I’ve been guilty of that! So just know if you’re re-evaluating your boundaries, I’m doing the same! In the month of June, I’m committed to ending my day at a specific time, losing my phone more often, and saving my work frustrations for my own coaching sessions, where I can solve them thoughtfully.
And if you want to join our working women book club, email me directly at laura@lauraweldy.com! Cheers!